These past two weeks, in between feeling immensely grateful for this pregnancy and praying so hard that everything will work out, I've found myself wondering...
....wondering what it would be like to be blissfully unaware of all the bad things that could happen in this pregnancy. Honestly, I really haven't been dwelling on everything that could happen, I've just been trying to be optimistic that things will likely turn out okay, but not getting too excited, you know, just in case. But really, I wonder what that must be like. To tell people that you're pregnant before even going to the doctor, because really what could go wrong? To announce your pregnancy on Facebook the day you get your positive HPT, because you are sure everyone wants to know about it (just to clarify, I would never do that - it's totally inappropriate)? To buy a pregnancy journal and start recording every little detail of pregnancy without worrying that you might have to throw away that book after only filling out a few pages? To start buying items for the nursery and baby when you're out shopping during the first trimester just because it's fun?
I feel like the tone of this post is a little sad. I don't want it to seem sad, I'm really just wondering. It's interesting because it's just not something that I will every be able to experience. I'll never know what it feels like to get pregnant by "accident" and then be so confident and happy that I can share my news with everyone I know. I'm terrified to tell anyone in real life about this pregnancy, just in case something bad happens and then I have to 'untell' them.
This weekend I did come the realization that I need to enjoy every moment of this pregnancy, so I bought a journal. Not a pregnancy journal, just a blank one that cost $1.00 at Michael's, but I'm planning to answer those weekly questions I see on lots of blogs in it and add pictures of my belly and notes about doctor's appointments, etc. I guess the chances are pretty good that things will work out okay, and if they do I know I'll want to remember every moment of this pregnancy, so although I'm not shouting my news from the rooftops, I'm going to try a little harder to enjoy every moment of this miracle that I'm experiencing.