On Monday night one of my best friends had a baby. She sent me a text message last night announcing his arrival. Of course, I knew this was coming since she was actually a week past her due date, but it was still tough to get her excited message and see his adorable brand new baby photo. I am happy for her, she and her husband are very excited and she waited a long time to the find the perfect guy. But she got pregnant on her second month of "not preventing" which was really hard to take. When I found out she was pregnant I was devastated. I know that's selfish, I want her to be happy, but it was still really painful for me. If I'm being honest, I got really drunk the day after I found out she was pregnant. Not my finest moment, but it did make me feel better.
I think she probably knows something is up with me. We went away on a girls' weekend a few weeks before she found out she was pregnant and we talked about how she was no longer trying to prevent pregnancy and how I had been off the pill for a while, so I'm sure she knows that things aren't working out as we had hoped. I haven't told her anything, but sometimes people just know these things. She seems to have been super sensitive about it and I know if I told her she would be wonderful, she's just that kind of friend, but I just feel so guilty for not being happy enough for her. Luckily she lives several states away so I won't have to see her and her beautiful son in person for quite a while. Any advice on how to push aside these awful feelings? I feel like the worst friend ever.