I decided to give the PAIL monthly theme post a try this week :)
J and I are each from families with 3 children, and when we got married I think we both assumed we'd have 3 children too. I kind of figured we'd have our first baby and we'd just keep adding to our family until we felt that it was complete. As you know, having that first baby was more difficult than we thought it would be. We went from wanting to have 3 children, to being worried that we wouldn't even have one. Now that we successfully have one child, there are still a lot of unanswered questions for us. We are positive we want to have more than one child, but are pretty sure we'll only seek treatments for one more child. After two children we think we'll be comfortable with the size of our family but would still be thrilled if we conceived again on our own.
I used to think that the 'optimal' spacing for children was between 2 and 3 years. That's how far apart my siblings and I are. I always thought it would be nice because you would probably only have one child in diapers at a time and you'd be kind of finished with the baby stage before you added to your family. I'm very close to my sister who is 3 and 1/2 years younger than me. We get along well with our brother who is 2 and 1/2 years younger than her, but we just don't seem him a lot since he doesn't live very close to us and he isn't great about 'checking in.' J is 18 months younger than his sister and 2 years older than his brother and he says all the time that he thinks they were too close in age. Three kids in college at once is VERY expensive!!!
J and I are kind of thinking about beginning the TTC process again when N turns 2. Although our RE recommends 6 months of TTC on our own before starting treatments again. So assuming we don't conceive on our own (which we were told was unlikely given J's SA) N would be 2 and 1/2 before we even started treatments. So maybe we should start TTC sooner? It's so hard to know. I'm hoping that when the time comes we'll just 'know' that it's right for us.
My biggest consideration about when to begin trying for #2 is N. When we were TTC him, I felt like all of my energy and emotions were poured into TTC. I spent a lot of time feeling really down and depressed. Now that we have N, I don't want to do that again. I feel like it's not fair to him to become an emotional wreck every month again. On one hand, I'm hoping that having him will distract us from the TTC process and not have it be so intense every month, but on the other hand, now that we know how wonderful having a baby is, I'm worried that TTC #2 will be even more emotional for me. I think it's clear that I still have a lot to work out emotionally before considering TTC #2!