Recently I mentioned that I was planning on becoming a SAHM in the near future. This is still definitely the plan, but something seems to be holding me back from taking the leap and I can't figure out what it is. When I was pregnant J and I briefly discussed the idea of being a SAHM, but I didn't really think I'd want to stay at home full time and we felt that it was still a good idea for me to bring in some income for the long term. I approached my boss about working part-time and while she was supportive of the idea, our HR department basically said it wasn't an option which is why I went back to work full-time after taking my 12 weeks of maternity leave. Thinking about this now, I'm not sure that I could have made part-time employment work financially given the cost of daycare for an infant.....
Anyways, now I've been back at work for almost 3 months and know that working
full-time is just not what's best for our family. But is being a full-time SAHM
what's best? Right now I'm feeling guilty about leaving my job. I like a lot of
things (not everything though) about my job. I think the work I do is important, I like most of the people I work
with, and honestly I'm not sure that this job will be around in a few years if I
decided I wanted to come back to it.
Although I’m not sure how big of a deal this would be since we hope to
have more children in the future and I’m not sure that working full-time is
something I’ll want to do then either. I imagine it
only gets more difficult to work full-time as you have more children who
participate in activities, need to be picked up, driven places, etc.
I think the thing that I’m most nervous about it that I’ll quit working and
then decide that I don’t really like staying home full-time. Honestly I doubt this will happen since I
know N and I will get into a great routine and there are so many fun and free
things available to do around town, plus my parents are moving about 20 minutes
away from us in a few weeks (they currently live a few hours away) and I know
that we’ll be spending more time with them and they’d be happy to hang out with
N a few hours a week if I needed to run errands or something. Plus even it happens, I don’t think it would
be that big of a deal to change my mind and decide to go back to work. I’m actually planning on trying to find something
part-time that’s either really flexible or that I can do from home. I haven’t found anything like this yet, but
once N is a little older daycare would probably be cheaper and would make this
more of a realistic option.
J always says that you can’t predict the future and he’s totally right. I had no idea how much I would love being
home with N during maternity leave until I did it. I absolutely dreading going back to work
until I went and realized it wasn’t so bad.
So maybe my nervousness about committing to being a full-time SAHM is just the fear of the unknown and once I make the leap I'll absolutely know it was the right choice....and I guess if we find out it wasn't the right choice, I can always go back to working!