I decided to give the PAIL monthly theme post a try this week :)
J and I are each from families with 3 children, and when we got married I think we both assumed we'd have 3 children too. I kind of figured we'd have our first baby and we'd just keep adding to our family until we felt that it was complete. As you know, having that first baby was more difficult than we thought it would be. We went from wanting to have 3 children, to being worried that we wouldn't even have one. Now that we successfully have one child, there are still a lot of unanswered questions for us. We are positive we want to have more than one child, but are pretty sure we'll only seek treatments for one more child. After two children we think we'll be comfortable with the size of our family but would still be thrilled if we conceived again on our own.
I used to think that the 'optimal' spacing for children was between 2 and 3 years. That's how far apart my siblings and I are. I always thought it would be nice because you would probably only have one child in diapers at a time and you'd be kind of finished with the baby stage before you added to your family. I'm very close to my sister who is 3 and 1/2 years younger than me. We get along well with our brother who is 2 and 1/2 years younger than her, but we just don't seem him a lot since he doesn't live very close to us and he isn't great about 'checking in.' J is 18 months younger than his sister and 2 years older than his brother and he says all the time that he thinks they were too close in age. Three kids in college at once is VERY expensive!!!
J and I are kind of thinking about beginning the TTC process again when N turns 2. Although our RE recommends 6 months of TTC on our own before starting treatments again. So assuming we don't conceive on our own (which we were told was unlikely given J's SA) N would be 2 and 1/2 before we even started treatments. So maybe we should start TTC sooner? It's so hard to know. I'm hoping that when the time comes we'll just 'know' that it's right for us.
My biggest consideration about when to begin trying for #2 is N. When we were TTC him, I felt like all of my energy and emotions were poured into TTC. I spent a lot of time feeling really down and depressed. Now that we have N, I don't want to do that again. I feel like it's not fair to him to become an emotional wreck every month again. On one hand, I'm hoping that having him will distract us from the TTC process and not have it be so intense every month, but on the other hand, now that we know how wonderful having a baby is, I'm worried that TTC #2 will be even more emotional for me. I think it's clear that I still have a lot to work out emotionally before considering TTC #2!
I think that is part of my hesitation to start TTC again...it consumed me. But ya know what, it still kind of does even when we aren't trying? The unknowns and the what-ifs almost eat away at me more. I think it's great that you two have thought about what you want out of your family, have a plan in place, and will ultimately do what you feel is right in the moment. It's so hard to know if there is a right time to try again, you can only go with your gut instinct. Good luck with whatever path you choose though!!
ReplyDeleteHere from PAIL :)
ReplyDeleteHaving babies around your son's age myself, I think TTC the next one (#2 for you, #3 for me) would definitely be different-- there would be some investment in the process, of course, but we'd also have our current children demanding attention and energy. Also, part of TTC #1, for me, was the desperation to finally be "a mom" and live the kind of life I wanted-- at home with my children-- and now that I have it, I can relax a bit.
I don't know. For me TTC #2 was only slightly easier than #1 was. But I didn't become a psycho... except when they tried that one med on me, what was it again? I don't know but they have it marked down to NEVER give it to me again. LOL... On my down days I'd cry a little, usually while I was doing other things, like dishes that #1 wasn't too interested in anyway, and then I'd be more snuggly with him. I'd put my BFN out of my mind and snuggle that little boy, and breathe in the scent of his hair, and compare our hands and fingers... get a little misty, but feel better all the same. I'm sure he knew that mommy was a little "off" but I only went psycho on my blog or at times that I knew were "safe." I don't know how it is/will be for anyone else, but knowing how I dealt with TTC #2, makes it easier for me to think about #3 because I know my kids will be just fine with it, just extra snuggle times. :)
ReplyDeleteLiked reading coco's comment above since I'm about to embark on treatments in September to TTC #2 and I am scared out of my mind on how I'll handle everything with a child to care for.
ReplyDeleteLiked reading your post too, I have the same view on child spacing, I'd love it if my babies were 2-2.5 yrs apart. But...really, I'd just love a second. soon, i hope!
Hey, saw your post about mix of BLW and purees for N after his 6 month appointment today. The email it came from a noreply at blogger. Will you email me at stwboswell at yahoo dot com. I'd love to chat with you more about why after going to the doc youre thinking purees for meat but BLW for veggies and fruits! Thanks!! :)
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